Can’t Think Of A Title Right Now

I started meditating this past January. In the beginning, I went like 40+ days straight, mediating each morning before work. That is some kind of miracle, because I don’t think I’ve ever done anything for 40 days in a row. Well, maybe I’ve made a sarcastic comment 40 days steady, but that’s no challenge – that’s necessary for my survival. I’ve probably eaten chocolate 40 days straight too… for the antioxidants. Yes, those health benefits are totally why I eat chocolate. But wait, I was writing about meditation.

Meditation is awesome, now. After years of reading an excessive number of books authored by the Chopras and the Nhat Hanhs of the world, I couldn’t make meditation stick no matter what those guys had to say! I couldn’t get it “to work.” I tried sitting cross-legged on the floor, cross-legged on my bed, cross-legged in the tub, cross-legged in a park, cross-legged at the beach… I may have even sat cross-legged in Teddi-Bear’s bed. She always has a good snooze there, so it seemed like a logical next step. That didn’t work either. That’s right, a small dog’s bed was not suitable for human mediation.

Fast-forward to 2016 and something clicked with meditation and me. Like a really good first date, I wanted to see mediation more! And so I did, like I mentioned up top, for over one month. Then like a lot of relationships, the honeymoon phase started to fade and I opted for hitting the snooze button instead of getting up early to say ‘good morning’ to mediation or I’d pick up my phone and gawk at it instead of embracing meditation. We started seeing each other sporadically, without as much feeling as the months passed by.

And then I went to Maui for holiday. Maui is place where lovers go: newlyweds, retirees, the newly engaged, and rum-lovers. That’s why I go – for the lava flows. Just kidding. Not really. Okay, Maui is more than rum slushies. This trip was straight up vacation for me – just time for a break in a place I love. I didn’t expect to fall head over heels, but I did. I fell head over heels with my old friend, mediation. The fondness I once felt was back! We went everywhere together. The beach! The pool! Strolling along the street! Even on the dance floor with old Drake tracks playing! Maui loves them some old-school Drake.

So I now understand that mediation isn’t something that is or isn’t there like a good or shit boyfriend, it’s with me always, not unlike my ever-present muffin top. I don’t meditate everyday, but I hope to build on my renewed relationship so we are together forever. Kind of what Annie Wilkes wants for her and Paul Sheldon, but without all the drama. Geez,  girl!

Speaking of my muffin top, I finally, officially, joined an actual gym yesterday. Not that I don’t enjoy my double-chocolate MT, it just kind of gets in the way sometimes… but that’s another post.

Amy Schumer Liked My Tweet

Eeeeeeee! This morning, I finished reading Amy Schumer’s book, ‘The Girl With the Lower Back Tattoo’. I told her as much and thanked her for writing it. There are so many “themes” in her book that I care deeply about – beyond the comedic-factor, that I had to reach out an tell her. More on the book another time. In other news; I bought new bed pillows today. Eeeeeeee! Buying pillows is such a crap shoot. There you are, stretching open the protective plastic around the pillow, hoping no one will see you trying to get a squeeze in. Like a few pokes at a pillow will really determine the next 12 months of sleep. Purchase the right pillow and you are guaranteed night after night of comfortable sleep, waking rested, neck lengthened like the model on the pillow bag, and not a hair out of place. Purchase the wrong pillow and you are destined to intolerable aches and pains, a hot-ass neck, and long nights with eyes wide open staring at the ceiling while you toss and turn, with whack morning hair. I took an hour-long nap on those pillows, in the middle of the freaking day, so I expect to be giraffe-like in like a week or so.